Birth Stories, Uncategorized

Dear Levi

I’ve been writing this letter in my head for a year. The day you were born, I left the hospital and bought a giant cup of coffee. I didn’t go straight home like I usually do after a birth, but instead I took my coffee for a walk. It was a perfect October morning, golden, crisp, and full of promise. I made my way down the trail holding my coffee close and I passed so many people. There were old ladies power walking and young men out running their miles and it boggled my mind that they were going on with their lives as normal, not knowing that everything was different that day because you were here.

You were born and everything changed.

I watched your mom and dad fight for you through hours and hours of Chopped reruns and even more hours of pushing. I watched them make their way across the bridge that leads from “childless couple” to “parents.” It’s a really long bridge, Levi. It feels like it stretches forever and when you finally see the other side, you realize you’re close, but you’ve still got obstacles to overcome before you’re across. Levi, they overcame so much to bring you here. I hope someday you get the chance to walk over that bridge yourself so you can really understand how much they offered up for you.

I will never forget how long you took to get here. Buddy, you put us through the ringer. Your sweet mama was incredible. I’ve seen a lot of women have babies, but I’ve never seen someone so polite, so thankful, so considerate of everyone around her while she was working her hardest to have a baby. Your dad was precious to her. He was steady and comforting. He never stopped believing in her, not once.

When your mom got especially weary, there was one moment when she doubted herself. She had been pushing for hours, working desperately to bring you into the world, clawing her way across that bridge, and she asked us what she was doing wrong. 

Levi, there may come a day when you feel the same way. There might be a time when you’ll be doing all the right things, but they’re not achieving the effect you’re working toward and you’ll end up feeling discouraged and you’ll start doubting yourself and your abilities. I want you to remember what your dad said to your mom when she was in that place. 

When your mama asked us what she was doing wrong, your father replied,

Nothing. You are perfect.

And he was right. She was, in that broken and beautiful moment, completely perfect. So, when you feel lost and hopeless, I hope you remember the words spoken over your mother and over you in the moments before you were born. I hope you remember the deepest truth of all: that when there’s struggle, radical love is always the answer. Radical love is always the truth.

After your dad spoke those words, your mama mustered her strength. She accepted all of the help and love offered her, dug deep, let go of expectations and control, and delivered you into the world.

I see a lot of babies born, Levi. I don’t usually cry because I’m so busy taking pictures, getting cool cloths, and assuring moms and dads that yes, babies are normally that blue. But I cried when you were born. It might be because you’re my nephew, but I kind of think that it’s because your mom and dad showed me what it looks like to partner together to get over that bridge. Honestly, I’m crying now as I remember it. It was one of the most beautiful moments I’ve ever had the privilege of witnessing and I’ll never stop being grateful that I got to be there when you entered this wild world.

Levi, you are a light. You are important, loved, and wanted. You are prayed for and adored. You are here for a reason. My wish for you on your first birthday is that you would be strong like your mama, gentle like your dad, and always remember the power of loving people right where they are. 

Happy birthday, my sweet friend. I’m so glad you’re here.

This letter to one of my doula babies is a little snapshot of my doula heart and mind. It shows how I see my clients, how much I value the privilege of being at their births, and how much I treasure the little moments I get to experience. This letter is shared with permission from my clients who are part of the Bright Birth family and also happen to be members of my actual family. Levi turned one right before Halloween and I’m so grateful to share my experience of his birth.

Birth Stories, Uncategorized

“I Led the Whole Way” – Brittney’s Second Birth Story

About You – Brittney Melton. Mom of 2. This will be about my second child. A much different birthing experience. This time I wanted a VBAC.

 
How did you find out you were pregnant? It was a surprise. I planned. We went on a vacation and I suspected we were. Took a test along and everything. Negative… came back from trip still thinking I may be. Waited and knew my cycle should’ve surely started. Took a test. Positive. I didn’t know if was quite ready for another. My first was only 19-20 months old. God had other plans. And I’m so glad.

 
What was your birth philosophy before you gave birth? How were you expecting it to be? I knew I wanted different this go around. Having had an emergency csection – completely unaware about csection and thought I’d never have one – I was determined for a VBAC.

 
How did you approach planning your birth? Did you take classes, read books, meditate, or seek out guidance from someone in particular? We actually took a class! We hadn’t the first time because my doctor told me we’d prob not need it because she’s be there telling me what to do. Well, she wasn’t there and baby wasn’t doing well so c-section it was. This time I asked to try for a VBAC and it was denied by my doctor who said her practice wouldn’t perform one. So, I sought out a new doctor. Bye old doctor. Changing doctors was scary but in the end such the right choice! He listened to what I wanted. Gave me the risks, looked over previous medical history from my first birth and said I’d be a great candidate. I trusted him fully with the plan. I wouldn’t have changed a thing and loved my second doctor.

 
How did you plan to deliver? VBAC with my OB. For precaution we would have an epidural in case things went south quickly. Otherwise they’d have to be me out to perform [a c-section] and I did not want that.

 
What were the most important goals or areas of focus for you in respect to your birth? I just wanted the vaginal birth I’d dreamed of. I wanted to actually experience and “do it” myself. I felt that was taken away from me. And I am in no way saying it’s not real birth… c-section IS birth – with scars to prove. I just wanted a chance at what my heart desired. This doctor gave me that chance.

 
And now for the good stuff…Here’s Brittney’s second birth story! Just like my firstborn… my secondborn was late. Her due date was 2/12. I had one false labor on 2/8. Doctor even though it was go time and admited me overnight. Being a VBAC patient he wanted to insure that we were super cautious. So any intense contractions for longer than a few hours he wanted me in to be checked in case of an emergency.

 

They were strong alright. Strong enough to not talk, shhh, close my eyes strong. And I couldn’t walk. Sometime from being admitted at 5, eating dinner with friends and watching the super bowl… the high intensity wore off around 3 in the morning. I was no longer struggling through them, and by morning they weren’t there. I was so sad. I thought this was it. My doctor did too. But I also hadn’t progressed any.

 

My doctor gave me three options. 1. Stay, hope they came back (highly unlikely), 2. Have a c-section (not ready for that yet) 3. Go home ( and I was slightly scared to because I was afraid something bad may happen. We chose 3. And the following day had a check up. My doctor said to go ahead and schedule the c-section. He wouldn’t let me go a week past being a VBAC patient. I respected that protocol. So we scheduled for 2/18. He joked that sometimes when you give the baby an eviction date – they’ll choose to come on their own.

 

2/14, false labor #2. Intense contractions but something I now realize I could’ve probably labored at home with. I mean geez, I’d labored for like a week already. But I was anxious and DID not want 2/18 to come. I think I was mentally trying to will it – again – just like my firstborn. We were admitted for safety reasons and … sent home again.

 

12/15 evening it changed. There was some strong ones but this was something else. I was hunched over the couch and my mom was like uhhhh yea it’s time – go. Such a painful car ride to the hospital. We get there and I’m at a 4! Praise Jesus. They gave me a medication to wear off the top end of the contractions to which I was so grateful for. Anesthesiologist came in to administer epidural and MISSED 3x…. urregggh. 4th time finally. And I felt relief. I’m thankful to my doctor that he asked to have a certain dosage administered so I could still feel low end of contractions. I could still feel and labor along with them.

 

We went into the next day. 2/16. When I was at an 8 they broke my water. Talk about a weird relief. I got to a 9 and stalled. Checking baby with both hand and u/s they determined her head was turned into my hip. Stubborn thing. The nurse went in and flipped baby’s head – owwwwwwwww. She said you’ll immediately start to feel pressure on this next contraction. Ummmm yes ma’am you are correct. She said, well, it’s time, I’ll call the doctor back in. And I’m like REALLY!?!!! The VBAC is gonna work!? And she said yea, baby is already passed the scar line. She’s coming. BEST news ever.

 

Doctor came in. Told me push when I felt contraction… I led the whole way. I felt all the stretching. I don’t know what I was thinking but I honestly thought – isn’t the epidural supposed to help me feel ummm nothing? So yea, I felt it all. They said it was too late for the epidural to do anything… so didn’t feel full contraction but felt everything else. Which now, looking back, I’m glad to have had that experience. Feeling it all felt so miraculous. And that my body was working. An hour of pushing and she was finally here!!! Such an amazing feeling that I will never ever forget.

 

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What was the advice that you found to be most helpful in preparing to give birth? Keep asking questions. Always get a second opinion.

 
What was the most surprising thing about birth for you? That it worked! I thought it wouldn’t have! I was proud to have a VBAC.

 
What was the most challenging part of birth for you? Waiting and the unknown. Would the VBAC work or was I head for another c-section?

 
What was your favorite part of your birth? Feeling it all. Strangely enough if I ever have another that’s what I’d desire. Pain – yes. But an amazing experience. Feeling her head and shoulders and hips all coming. My baby placed on me. Miracle.

 

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What do you wish someone had told you before you gave birth? Honestly I felt more prepared this time around than ever. And it was a whole new experience. And also – someone to tell me my babies just like to be stubborn and late. (This one 4 days late)

 
How did your perception of birth change after you experienced this birth? I desire more kiddos. I hope that happens someday. A prayer of mine. But also not to fear the pain. The pain helps you know what to do.

 

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Birth photography by Janeane Marie Photography.

Birth Stories, Uncategorized

C-Section – Brittney’s First Birth Story

About You – Brittney Melton. I have 2 kiddos, but this is the birth story of my firstborn. Logan, who is now 4.

 

 

How did you find out you were pregnant? Felt suuppper tired and was wanting to take a test but waited til my husband and I were together as I was out of town. Took a test. Positive. Took another because let’s face it – we all do. Also positive. And then I bawled.

 
What was your birth philosophy before you gave birth? How were you expecting it to be? I thought it’d be easy to know when I was in labor (for me – false). I knew I’d have a hospital birth and would probably get an epidural. That was it.

 

 

How did you approach planning your birth? I took no classes and only asked my OB various questions. I did ask a few friends but really went in mostly naive and not wanting to know a lot.

 
How did you plan to deliver? Hospital with OB and I knew I wanted an epidural

 
What were the most important goals or areas of focus for you in respect to your birth? We were away from all family so I really just wanted my doctor (didn’t happen) and my husband. I didn’t know honestly when to go in except timing contractions and calling the doctor. I had no other knowledge or didn’t really see myself laboring long at home. I was super nervous.

 
And now for the good stuff…Here’s Brittney’s birth story! I was due 9/28 and here it was October. I bawled thinking OH MY GOSH!! A whole other month!!! It was definitely a mind trick. We had one false alarm on 10/1 where I thought my water broke. Using the bathroom and liquid just kept slowly trickling… but it was not pee. Went in and did a test – at this point ink Braxton Hicks the week prior and no real contractions. It wasn’t amniotic fluid so they sent us home. I think I was SO anxious about KNOWing when and how and what that I just felt on alert. My OB saw me a few days later. We went ahead and scheduled an induction for 10/7… a whole 9 days past my due date and it felt like forever. She wouldn’t deliver on weekends because she didn’t work then (not my favorite). Low and behold, I go into labor the day before. Sunday, 10/6. Labored all night with contractions getting closer and more intense.

 

Up until this point I was measuring like 1… 1.5 because my doctor wanted to be generous. The week before I wasn’t measuring at all. I was so tired and just wanted this baby here! So we headed into hospital per staff instructions after calling in and I was at a 3. Whomp. Really? A whole night of pain and a 3!? They hook me up and tell me I’m staying since I’m inducing the following day anyways, baby could come tonight.

 

So, I labor. And I move to like a 4/5. I’m so tired an anxious I just say yes to the epidural, not having enough knowledge to know it could slow things down. I’m stuck at a 5/6 and for an hour baby’s heart rate plummets over and over with each contraction. I’m beside myself. What’s wrong with him!? Is he ok? They’re having me turn side to side with each contraction. The on call doctor comes in and tells us, “We are prepping you for a c-section. We do not think this baby will last or be strong enough for delivery if his heart rate drop continues. You still have 6+ hours before we’d maybe even get to pushing.”

 

With tears for my baby, and fear for me.. we go ahead with it. I was so fearful. Anesthesiologist changes the epidural for csection and I’m shaking terrified on that table. I felt the pressure of the cut – not the pain… felt all organs move and baby removed. Again, just pressure – no pain. And I finally hear the cry.

 

💙

He was ok.

 

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I threw up on the table, and they wiped my face and handed him to me, only to take him a few minutes later and I was left alone with doctors while I was stitched up. Husband and baby gone.

 

I was relieved he was ok, but felt something was taken from me. I knew I wanted it done differently the next time around.

 

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What was the advice that you found to be most helpful in preparing to give birth?Learn! Take a class (even if is your second and you want more info). Ask questions. Get what you want if you can.

 
What was the most surprising thing about birth for you? It was completely outside my control. I wanted to weirdly WILL it into action. Baby comes when baby comes (and I hate that saying by the way)

 
What was the most challenging part of birth for you? Being overdue!!!! It felt like forever. And also being helpless thinking something was happening to my baby and he wasn’t ok.

 
What was your favorite part of your birth? Well. I didn’t love it to be honest. But the moment he cried I felt SUCH relief. And seeing his little face look at mine under that curtain. I’ll never forget it.

 
What do you wish someone had told you before you gave birth? C-section is still birth. For me it was scary. But it is birth, a hard birth at that. Birth is not just physical pain or stamina. It’s mental and very much spiritual too.

 
How did your perception of birth change after you experienced this birth? I knew the next go around I’d fight for something different. I’d be aware of what I wanted and seek out the answers.

 

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Birth photography by Captured Simplicity Family Photography.