grief – Bright Birth Doula Services

Where my postpartum anxiety/depression friends at? 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

“The more anxious we are, the more high-functioning we will make ourselves appear, which just encourages the world to lean on us more.” – Sarah Wilson

Anyone else identify strongly with this statement?

Personally I can easily say that the height of my PPA/PPD struggle was when I was hustling most to make it look like I wasn’t struggling at all. And guess what? I was incredibly convincing. Chalk it up to my expensive theater degree (thanks, Mom and Dad!) or to the overwhelming pressure I felt to not be perceived as weak or needy, but the more I struggled the more I hustled to cover it up.

It was exhausting. It was overwhelming. It was indescribably unhealthy. It did not serve me, my husband, our family, or the greater community in any way. None.

Repeat after me: Sometimes the hustle is not healthy.

If you’re hustling to further your career or keep your body strong or to achieve your goals, you go get it! I am proud of you for the work you’re putting in and I will cheer you on every step of the way.

However, if you’re hustling to prove to someone that you’re capable, to prove that you’re fine on your own, that you don’t need help, that’s a problem.

If you’re hustling to cover up feelings of shame, that’s not healthy.

If you’re hustling to keep up with any arbitrary cultural standard, that’s a problem.

If you’re hustling because you don’t feel like you’ll let people down if you step back or say no, that’s an issue.

If you’re newly postpartum or deep into that 4th Trimester of baby’s first year and you find yourself hustling, I want you to take a minute to question. Ask yourself, why am I so exhausted? Did I lose sleep? Am I feeling more than just blues? Am I struggling with extreme emotions like sadness or anger? Am I secretly over-using or becoming too dependent upon substances or other numbing mechanisms to cope? (Think misuse of food, alcohol, excessive social media use, etc.) Am I taking on new tasks or responsibilities because they’re things that bring me joy and satisfaction or because I feel obligated or because I want to make others happy with me?

If these questions strike a chord, you need to get creative and prioritize yourself. I know that’s hard, especially when you’re keeping kids alive and have other responsibilities. But remember, your family/baby/husband/coworkers also need you to prioritize yourself.

The height of the struggle is not the time to hustle more. It is time to prioritize rest and mental health. Remember, your schedule should reflect what works, not what’s “normal.” Be creative. I have a friend who spent the first two years of her baby’s life staying up all night and sleeping for most of the day. That’s what worked for her family and it was perfect. Do what works even if it seems bizarre to others.

It’s incredibly difficult to stop hustling, especially if you’re anxious and depressed. If you’re overwhelmed and you need help to stop the cycle, reach out. The lie says that you’re the only one struggling, you’re a burden, be quiet because your life is easier than most, and on and on and on. The truth is, everyone is struggling. Everyone. You are not a burden. Ever. Also, all the cool moms go to therapy. (That’s a little tongue in cheek but truthfully speaking, talking to an unbiased third party for the better part of a year saved my sanity. Therapists, counselors, priests, pastors, mentors, friends, support groups…they’re all there to listen and support. Use your resources. You will never regret it.) Constant hustling perpetuates the cycle. Just like in labor, the only way out is through. But also just like in labor, there are people ready and willing to support you. You don’t have to shoulder life all on your own. You’re worthy, my friend.

Need a place to start? Try the following resources:

Postpartum Support International

Smart Patients Postpartum Community

What to Expect Postpartum Depression Forums

Postpartum Depression

National Helpline SAMHSA

Each Friday we share a company, product, or individual that we think is worth a follow! Read about them below and be sure to give them some love!

This week’s Follow Friday features Laurelbox, a company that creates boxes specifically curated to offer love, sympathy, and support to women experiencing loss. Whether you’re shopping for something comforting for a friend experiencing miscarriage or stillbirth, something to tide over your sister while her toddler is hospitalized, or you want to show your best friend she’s thought of as she wrestles with the loss of a spouse, Laurelbox has you covered.

E5B56336-D0DE-4569-8658-6B11B5AF6660 — Shop here!

I’ve personally used Laurelbox to love on a friend undergoing surgery and I was so impressed. The items are timeless and feminine with a nostalgic vintage feel. The thought that goes into creating these products is unparalleled. Selections range from jewelry to coffee cups, teas and oils specially blended for comfort, and hand made prayer shawls that literally wrap your loved one in a hug when you may be apart. You can order individual items or purchase box subscriptions that will make sure your recipient doesn’t fall through the cracks in the long months after a loss. Boxes are curated for specific types of losses or you can build your own, so the sky’s the limit on how you want to spread the love.

FCAF68CB-D378-47EE-A4F4-9C54FB4909D6 — Shop here!

I love that this company is run by two cousins, Johanna and Denise, who clearly see that they’re doing more than just running an online shop. They have such a gift for putting into words all the emotions that can be so difficult for our hearts to articulate. They hand write each note on a gorgeous card that is included with your purchase. If you’re not sure what to say, they’ve even got a suggestion for that! They’ve literally thought of everything.

Also, don’t miss the Laurelbox blog, which has really great posts on topics such as what to say to a grieving friend instead of “how are you,” tips for bringing food someone suffering a loss, and much more. You can follow Laurelbox on Facebook and Instagram @laurelbox or find them on their website, www.laurelbox.com.

Tag: grief

The Unhealthy Hustle

Feature Friday!